Well, it's over

So, I'm sitting here, still at school, reflecting and I figured I might as well reflect on here. So, today didn't go so well. Basically, it was bound to be an awful day. The nice thing is, it wasn't awful.

Here is why it was bound to not be a wonderful day.
#1 The kids got college acceptance letters from Ivy League schools yesterday afternoon
#2 It is Friday
#3 We had an assembly so everything was messed up and no one knew when class started and ended.

It was hard to have class with my seniors because their minds were everywhere except on the assignment. After a while it wasn't too bad, but by the time I got their attention, class was over. 3rd period was so funny, haha. I had to tell them to freeze and then while they were frozen I told them that we were going to go around the room and say what colleges everyone had been accepted to and then that was it. I said that I was so proud of all of them and I want to hear about what school they're going to but I do need them to not let that distract them from the rest of their education. So, the University of Chicago, Columbia, Yale, Princeton, MIT (and like, 3 other top engineering schools...the kid is a genius), Central Washington, and Harvard are now the proud owners of my students, haha.

So anyway, we did get some stuff done today but I dont' know how much they actually learned.

Good things that happened:

• My Russian Genius, threatens-most-first-year-teachers student told me, "B, we're making you an award." I said, "Why!?" and he like, launches into this speech almost aghast that I don't know why. He points out that I'm a first year teacher, came to the job with no preparation and hired two weeks into the school year, and yet I am filling Smail's (that's last year's Gov teacher) shoes. He stopped and was like, "Frankly, I don't know how you did it but let me tell you, I'm totally impressed." And I was dumbfounded. So I just said, "Well, thank you. Nick, that means a lot coming from you." and he nodded and was like, "well, I'm quite impressed...so we're making you an award." and that was that.
• A student I've been having trouble with (still had some trouble with her today) came by my room this morning, stuck her head in and said, "Ms. Burdick, I was accepted to the University of Chicago!" and I was so stunned because she usually doesn't want to talk to me. But...there may have been other motives in telling me, but I choose to take it as she wanted to tell me. So I'm going to use that as a way to mend this relationship.
• Another student who has been challenging me lately came in with the same message (as well as a self-designed t-shirt advertising his new College status and advertising the schoole's record acheievements) and actually sat there, excitedly, talking about the college and asking me questions about my college instead of walking in to challenge me with something that was flawed in the reading or from the lesson the day before. I was pleased. Yet again affirmed to me that these kids are really just kids. They act big and tough but they get excited and insecure just like "normal" kids.

The really bad thing that happened. I got observed. It was awful. It was so awful that it ruined my 7th period and my principal came to talk to me after school because she knew I'd be eating myself up inside. She wanted to let me know I'm not fired and that she totally believes in me.

The brief story, mostly because I need to reflect on it, but not anymore.

• 6th period US History--> too active, always noisy, my hardest class, all in an uproar about various factors of life from the day (not going to quiet down until they've gotten those things out in the open)
• Technology not working. Crazy schedule so need to get them to sit down (class is in uproar). So, to get them in their seats and still have time to fix my computer I suggest a First Amendment Friday. Bad idea.
• Right as I said that I expected the "i got in a car accident" from passing period but instead i got a whole bunch of awful things. Administration sucks. We should be able to buy candy at school. I sneak it in anyway. **In walks the Principal and District HR director, computer still not functioning** The air doesn't work. I disobey the food rule. How can they think they can regulate what we eat? Why don't they open the door at the end of the hallway? Mercer Island Schools have those! Why don't they fix the sewage leak over my 4th period class? It smells like fart every single day!! **at this point I was mortified and just wanted to die right there. And, I wanted to kill my kids. Could they not see the Principal at the back?***
• Computer still won't work. FAF over, thank goodness. (Later Gov kids compared it to Gorbachev opening up a can of worms when he allowed glastnost --openness-- in the USSR.) Have to give verbal directions. Send to specific spots (the one thing I did right).
• Kids didn't work. Opened a bag of chips and passed around. Pulled out a diet coke and passed around. Did accomplish some things...but overall a horrible day.
• District HR director wondered if my principal had lost her mind in thinking I was a good teacher.
• The good thing, my principal saw my reactions to things the whole time and could tell that I was reflecting the whole time and knew that my lesson sucked.
• Came and talked to me after school because she knew that I would know it sucked so bad and that I would think too much about it. Convinced the Director to give me another shot. They'll tell me when (thank goodness!).
• Principal reassured me adamantly that I'm way beyond my years and a stellar teacher, acknowledged that she can't believe i was able to do such a good job, and affirmed to me that she knows I'm good and that she has convinced the HR to give me another shot (and said that even if I suck it up again--which she claims I wont...we'll see--she's still going to hire me and HR will trust her).

Anyway, I was going to go to the Senior Play tonight. All my kids will be there and all of the actors are my students. But, I just can't make myself go. It is almost 5:30 on a Friday and I had such a sucky end to my day (even though I had kids chatting until 4:00) and even though I was ok with the lesson before my principal talked to me, now I just feel kinda crappy. I know it's ok, and I know I'm a good teacher, but I always have a yucky day when I fail at a lesson whether I've been observed or not. Plus, I do'nt have anyone to go to the play with and I don't want to go by myself. It would be weird with all my kids and I'd be by myself. I feel bad because I want to be supportive and I really wanted to go but...I just feel like going home and either sleeping (which I should d0) or going out to coffee and reading a book.

I dunno, but I do know I'm going to leave. Now to figure out what to bring home...blech...

Reflection: Last night was so great...I hope tonight ends up more satisfying than I'm feeling now.

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