I love nighttime. It is so quiet and peaceful. It smells good and everything looks different. I sat for a good amount of time at my patio door tonight. I watered my flowers finally...I don't know where I ever got the idea I might be able to keep plants alive...and then I just sat there. There is something addicting to me of the night air.

My intentions were to come home and pick up my apartment. I did a little...but I can't manage to get much done. I have things I have to do during the day that are Conference and camp-related but when I'm finished with those things all I want to do is read and sleep. I've wanted to do that for years and somehow my plans are usually foiled.

That's why I don't sleep. I love the night so much, so I end up being more awake at night than I want to be. Plus, I haven't had a chance to read during the day (and I put holds on all the top-selling novels from the last year or so) so it's night by the time I get to pick up a book and I get so addicted.

There is one thing few people know about me (at least I think...). I read books in one sitting. I don't know where it stems from, but it is very rare that I read a book over a period of a couple days (well, ok...non-fiction books take me longer...usually I fit in a few fictions inbetween). I'm wondering if it stems from my ever-present busy schedules and time crunches. I either get desperate enough and read it all the way through it one night so that, whether I get sleep or not, I can at least read a book and then get back to work the next day or I have a good chunk of time and therefore, I might as well read the whole thing (especially since I get very wrapped up in the story and it's difficult to stop when you're so invested in the story). I seriously feel like I've reached an Oasis after dragging myself through the desert. I devour fiction like nothing you've ever seen. There should be more hours in the day so that I don't have to use my nights to get in the reading I so desperately need.

Anyway, the cleaning is still to be done and the thought of having to pack up my whole apartment makes me so overwhelmed that I am tempted more and more to retreat into my books. Unfortunately Margie made the mistake of bringing me my other holds. I told her not to and she kept pestering me so finally I gave in and let her bring them. That means there are 4 more books for me to read sitting on my table. If I'm going to get anything done then I'm going to have to hide them.

Today I woke up late, managed to get to camp in time. I had the kids play a new game and I tweaked it as seemed fit as we were playing. It is now their new favorite and that makes me happy. It's a good game, I'm proud. Then I managed to make it home without falling asleep and immediately crashed (around 11:30). I woke up at 4. Irritated that my whole day was gone, I hurriedly made a paper 10-gallon hat and bullhorn, went to Value Village to buy a suitcoat for Joe and worker's shirt for Annie (who now is known as Josh per work shirt) and watched the kids artfully perform their skits. I was so proud. They did absolutely great, even the ones I wasn't sure about. I don't know how to pick which one goes for Sabbath. Then I returned home and have just finished my book and am wide awake, thinking that I should clean even though it is 1 AM.

Reflection: I love nighttime...the air I breathe in is fresh and I can smell the grass.

I would just like to say that after writing 2 newspapers back about SDBs and our upcoming Conference, I got up to make myself a nice cold drink and proceeded to stain myself and my counter. I walked into my kitchen (more like half-stumbled, bleary-eyed from the energy needed to revive my summer-vacation brain, heat, and lack of sleep) to make myself an Italian soda. After grabbing a glass out of the cupboard, I reached up above the sink to grab the Raspberry Syrup. As I grabbed the bottle, the handy white pump that I purchased last week and attached to the top of the Raspberry Syrup to create ease in dispensing the sweet goodness, smacked the top of the cabinet with a thump and I was almost immediately hit with a drippy, sticky mess.

I just stood there.

Once I realized what had happened, I growled. I grabbed a towel, wiped off my face, grabbed my glass indignantly and began pumping the raspberry syrup in. To emphasize my lack of fine motor skills, one pump ran shy of the glass, dispensing the beastly goo on my nice cream countertop. In a second I had wiped it up, only to see that a light red stain remained.

More growling.

Now I am writing about it because I thought it was blog-worthy. I am now going to attempt the third try at making my Italian soda without inconvenient interruption...and I'm going to go check the damage to my face...If it could stain my counter....

I know I'm having two posts in one day, one right after the other, but I wasn't done yet. Maybe if I type all this stuff out I will be able to sleep tonight. Because of the sleep deprivation and the heat and the running around I was sortof grumpy/tired all day. On my way home from camp I thought of some things that I wanted to share. Immediately I thought of all the things that I had to do...get sleep, read through all the skits and make up a props list, look online for camera prices, finish laundry...blech. I knew that blogging would just take time away, but I think it will all be worth it. I made myself an Italian Soda, grabbed some ice cream, and am sitting in my white-puffy chair near my patio. The breeze smells wonderful and I can hear the nighttime sounds.

Here is what I wanted to share. I live in Renton. Camp is in Covington. I drive along a back road (well, it's not really a back road, but it's not a freeway) to get to Highway 18, to get to camp. I absolutely love it. As much as I hate driving back and forth all day, I love the drive. It seems silly but I am so blessed by that drive. It's a major road but it is through grassland and forest and wildflowers and open land...oh man...it's lovely. I can zip along and the light is always gorgeous. I go in the morning so the sun hasn't hit mid-sky yet and then at sunset, when I'm going home....breathtaking. Even when I get to the Highway, there is open land on either side. It is so open and freeing...like you've been suffocating and now you can breathe. When you live where I live that isn't a common sight. I love the city...but there is still something inside me that longs for open spaces. As I drive I daydream and find myself rolling down the windows, breathing in deeply of the sweet air and smiling with pure joy at the thoughts in my head.

I'm not sure why, but when I drive those back roads I think of family. I think of having my own family. I think of laughter and love. Scenes play in my head of my husband and I taking walks in the evening to breathe in the fresh air and gaze at the sun-kissed beauty. There is a relaxing feeling about it, as if that setting is just made for a leisurely walk for two people to just enjoy being together. I see myself in one of the houses along the way (out where you can't see into your neighbor's window) and I see my family out back. It reminds me of a Kodak commercial...the Dad chasing the kids at sunset, them squealing with delight, and me running off the back porch with a heaping plate of watermelon.

Along the road there is a spot where some log houses are being built. Tonight when I drove by there were two guys working on one of the houses. I caught a glimpse of them as I zipped by and they were standing inside the house looking at the sunset. They were glowing. It was so beautiful. It made me happy. It also made me want a log cabin.

There are days when I get tired of life the way I've made it. I feel like I need to do so much because I know I can do it. I learn to give up some things and others take them up...but oftentimes it is others like me who take up what I have given up...people who have too many other things on their plates as it is. Then I feel guilty like I should take the burden back. The result is a busy life. I love it sometimes. I'm the one that fills it up. There are so many things i want to do. But then there are times...like when I was in Europe, when I would just wander around Newberg while I was at college, and when I drive on those back roads that I literally feel this pang in my heart, a desire for simplicity. In Europe I loved the feel of having no real responsibilities...of just being able to wander as long as I made it back. In the last two years I've wanted to return to that so badly. I just wanted to leave. I had this perfect picture in my mind of me in a small house near the cliffs in Ireland, Dingle Peninsula. I could walk and breathe fresh air and...well, I could just be.

Though there is that pang as I drive those back roads, there is also this happy feeling. I'm happy to be free for 25 minutes...I'm happy to breathe freely...and I think optimistically about my future. I look forward to having my own house. I look forward to being able to enjoy the things I love with a family. I look forward to meeting a man I can share those thoughts and emotions that these places evoke, share a walk in the evening and a home. Reality says that with a family my life will only get more full...but it seems to me it will also bring more joy and I think that will make for a better balance. Who knows, maybe the Lord will bring me someone who will help me make those times of peace and open spaces more of a priority.

Those are the thoughts that made me beam as I drove...thoughts of bright and beautiful things to come.

Reflection: Even in the middle of a storm there is a place of calm.

I think I have a lot of things to say but I don't know where to start.

Camp
Last week I felt bad for my dad and I agreed to help out with camp (it's a good thing I did too, because it was like...the day before camp was to start...). I love camp but things just aren't perfect. They don't need me as a full-time counselor so I travel out there twice a day--morning for outdoor recreation and evening for drama. Just helping with camp has filled up my days. I have to plan games, I had to find good skits, plan a day 1 lesson and then try to fit kids to parts (that took forever), find costumes and props, drive out, run errands for my dad when he realizes he's forgotten something (which usually means I have to go back to Auburn too...)...anyway, it makes for a day of running back and forth and in this heat...it's pretty exhausting.

The other thing it does is make me concerned about camp. I am not there consistently so I'm not bonding with the kids and when I visit and look around I just wish I could stay to bond with those kids because it really looks like this camp is magic-less. It isn't usually...but I dunno. The 4 regular staff that are there (besides the 2 directors) just are...I dunno...there. Every time I'm there they are on the couches relaxing or reading or nowhere in sight. It's like...they help out in class time and then they disappear. I've counseled camps since I was 13 and gone through a lot of training with them too...and I just don't think this SCSC team they sent us this time has much of a clue. I could rant more about this...but anyway, suffice it to say that I'm concerned that the kids are not bonding with the staff and I don't see much even prompting them to really think about the message of salvation...It's like, class time and then the kids are just all on their own, not much additional staff interaction...

So, as I was running around today I was concerned about that. So, in the little bits between the running, I've added other things.

Camera
I'm trying to buy a digital camera between runs to and from camp. I researched thoroughly all weekend and then today I put on some non-shabby clothes and went to Fry's to try them out. I affirmed something--I am seriously the most indecisive person I know. Anyone who has had to deal with me making a big decision (or even a relatively big decision) knows I can't make choices so this job of buying a digital camera is going to kill me. Anyway, Fry's didn't help much...only made me less decisive. It's coming down to the wire to get one before Conference so I need to decide soon and tomorrow isn't looking good for any extra time.

Conference
Conference is coming up. I still have things to do...that I was supposed to do today but it makes me tired just thinking about it.

Sleep
I haven't been sleeping. Saturday night I was up all night...because I couldn't sleep and then because I was reading and lost track of time (but I finished the book!). Sunday and last night I only got a few hours...I don't know why I can't sleep. I think I'm restless...too many concerns running around up there.

The Weather/Summer
All I wanted to do when school got out was relax...hasn't happened much. However, today the heat combined with my lack of sleep and the daunting chores to do to get that camera and do my conference stuff made me drop everything and go to the pool . Haha, as I said earlier...it's hot. I heard on the radio that tomorrow it is supposed to be 97 degrees!! I layed by the pool sleeping, and reading sporadically and jumping in and swimming laps when I overheated. It was nice...I wish I could do that all day. My perfect week would be getting up late and making breakfast, grabbing a book and a smoothie and going to the pool to read all day by the pool and swim and then come home in the evening, make dinner and read all night.

Reflection: I wish I didn't commit to so many things...or that I wouldn't feel guilty when I say no...or that our church would have more people able to help so that I could say no without feeling guilty. I wish also that my dad didn't have to do so much himself...I bet he'd like a week to sleep in all day too.

While our SCSC team was jet-skiing I used Margie's camera to take pictures of the cute kids who were happily swimming-away.

While I was taking pictures I made some friends.

I had to reason with this little fellow not to splash me. "I'm unarmed. Now that's not a fair fight, is it?"

Johanna (one of my Sabbath School kids).

I have no idea what this little guy is doing, but whatever it is, it looks pretty amazing.

I love Independence Day. I love the 4th of July. There are many reasons for it. Today is an example of why the 4th of July is so great. I woke up late (since on the 4th most people don't have to work), make breakfast, relaxed and then cleaned my kitchen. Then, around 2 I headed to pick up my siblings and our 2 SCSCers to head over to Lake Meridian in Kent. A group from our church was going to spend the day there and be there for the fireworks tonight. When we got there, our group had set up an awning thing so that we could all sit in the shade (it was VERY hot today).

The day consisted of:

• chatting with friends
• relaxing in the sun
• relaxing in the shade under the tarp
• reading a funny book for a while
• reading a magazine for a while
  
• playing guitar for a while
• listening to 2 very good bands
• jet skiing (well, I didn't go...but I took lots of great pictures...which reminds me...I wish I had those...)
• taking pictures of cute kids playing in the water
  
• napping in the sun
• napping in the shade

It's great because the 4th is a day of relaxation. Unlike many holidays, there isn't much preparation or stress. You grab some hot dogs and condiments, grab a blanket, a bunch of water, and head somewhere sunny to spend the day relaxing and then the evening is a whole different matter.

I love the 4th also because of...well, here. As the sun set it was beautiful. I looked around me and I was so happy. The orchestra played the Star Spangled Banner and the whole park stood up (there were a LOT of people...it was festival-ish)...many were singing, many had their hands over their hears...but I didn't see one person sitting. I was so happy. There are many things about our country that I am not proud of but you know, I still love my country! And on the 4th it's like...I dunno, everyone is patriotic. We all are united in loving America. There were all kinds of people standing in that park with their hands over their hearts listening to the national anthem with me and it made me joyful. I thanked God for the country I live in.

Then, the orchestra played Sousa marches and the 1812 Overature and the fireworks started going off over the lake. I got so into the music, my head bopping to the beat and tunes. I sat there, knees pulled up and towel wrapped tight around me just living through that music and those flashes in the sky...so pretty.

Margie had to leave Bobby and I as she shuttled my mom to her car. We got out our guitars and played the "Stranded on the side of the road blues." We played frisbee while waiting and looked at the stars. I had flashbacks to college, when we would take study breaks by playing frisbee and would spend hours taking walks at night and looking at the stars. I missed those times but I was happy that I got to do them again and wished that I would do it more.

Reflection: I love the USA. I miss college experiences that I treasured so much. I'm tired and happy that I'm on break.

I realize it has been awhile. Rest assured that I am alive and well. Since school has been out I have been able to actually use my time and therefore, have less incentive to avoid things by writing on my blog. Plus, I have less stories.

I have been able to enjoy myself like:

• shopping with my sister
• making fun dinners
• going to a coffee shop and sitting outside and reading
• reading a few good books
• spending some time with Camille and Sam (and Thom!!)
• sleeping
• going out to dinner and visiting Bell Square with Melissa

Last week was long but great. I went to a workshop for AP teachers. There were 1,000 teachers there and I took the Comparative Government workshop. It was absolutely great. I got tons of lesson plans and our class got to be very comfortable with each other. We actually did the activities like Socratic Seminars and Article Discussions and really...it was so cool to be in a room with so many educated and intelligent people, all intersted in Comparative Government!! Seriously, it's the best class in the world. Plus, I was so happy because our presenter was an expert and she did many of the same things that I did this year!! I was so happy because although I still got a lot of great ideas from her, many of them were just minor changes or a variation of things I already did! AND! Everything these experts talked about, I could understand!! Anyway, it was a very affirming week too. I totally can teach this class. I am already an expert. I have a lot to learn but really, I can't believe how on-par I am with those other teachers.

Plus, there were 3 teachers from China...and we got all sorts of good discussions with them...feeding my already avid interest in China.

Oh yeah! Probably the highlight of the week was meeting the author of our textbook. Patrick O'Neil, the guy who wrote our textbook for Comp (whom we have been referring to all year, "Well, according to O'Neil"), came to visit! He volunteered to come up from UPS to talk to us. He didn't get paid and we got to pick his brain and have him explain to us how he teaches and the resources he uses. Seriously, I was in heaven. He was so helpful and down to earth. After his part, I asked him if he taught summer courses and he asked where I taught. I told him Newport and he immediately said, "Oh that's great! You're close so we definitely should stay in touch!" We talked about bringing my kids down for a guest lecture or for visiting lecture series. Anyway, nerdy, I know...but cool. He is on facebook. I might get to be friends with Patrick O'Neil, haha!

Kids have been messaging me on facebook about current events and books they've read involving our countries...that makes me happy.

I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend. It was an adventure. I don't like Delta or Atlanta now but I did have a great time with family and friends.

Now I'm home and I have to find a new place to live, pack up my house, clean my house, and go to the beach more. haha.

Reflection: Today was warm but I got to relax for the first time in a long time...it was good. Plus, I got smoothie mix...that makes any day better.