Children

Today was a lovely fall day. I very much enjoyed church. I was going to write my reflections on the sermon but I actually don't feel like it right now. It was so interesting though. There is the passage about Jesus overturning the money tables and he explained some of the context that I didn't even know about. Basically, he was so ticked not just because they had made a market in the temple, but because they were doing it in the Court of the Gentiles, the only place that non-believers could come to pray and come to belief in the temple. Anyway, if you want to know more about that, ask.

This afternoon I read a book. It wasn't all that good, but I didn't have much else to do. It was one of those disgusting Christian romances, blech. I didn't know that was what it was when I started it but I quickly figured it out. It was about a sufragette but so poorly written. I read it because I liked the historical fiction, as poorly written as it was. It makes me frustrated that so many Christian women's books are so poorly written. Blech.

Tonight we watched Nicholas Nickleby. I love and hate that movie. My heart breaks throughout the whole movie, just thinking that children should ever have to go through something like that. I know it's fiction, but still...there are children out there who are not loved, who maybe have never been loved, and who are treated in ways that no child should be treated. I cried a couple times and I think sometimes Margie thinks I'm silly that I cry so much at those things in TV and movies...but I just hate to think that any child has to go through that, even if it is fictional in the portrayal. It got me thinking...maybe someday I will be brave enough to do something about it, adopt a child or become a foster parent. I'm not so sure about the parenting thing, but I do know that every child should have a chance to be loved.

Lately I've been frustrated with my seniors. They just don't seem to respect me. At times they do, but...I dunno. People keep reminding me to give it time...but it's such a let-down to have had such a connection with my kids last year and now to just...I dunno, start all over again. I'm guessing my kids last year must have been like this too, but I just can't remember. I was so sleep-deprived and stressed that I can't remember much at all from first semester last year...I remember good things but there must have been bad things too. Jess said,"Whenever you start worrying that the kids don't like you, think of last year on their last day, when we stood in that line and just about every kid that came through that line gave you a hug and told you what a great teacher you were." She's right. I get wall posts on facebook or messages literally every day from former students, all of them encouraging and just...man...I'm so blessed. But lately it just reminds me what a high bar they've set for me and how I sortof feel like my current students had expected so much and aren't seeing it fulfilled. But, they have to realize that not every day can things be all the fun things they've heard. I'm sure I'm being unfair. They're teenagers, it's the beginning of the year, they're going to be getting stressed soon with college, and really...they're 17 years old...they often think only of themselves (much like myself)...so I should give them slack. I'm so high-maintenance, even as a teacher. It's like I need affirmation all the time...even when I'm getting it!!! Rob told me once that he developed a tough skin teaching. I just want to love my kids and I want to be loved back. I do love them but it's easier to feel confident about what I'm doing when I feel like they have faith in me. I'll stop. This isn't going anywhere anyway.

Drew messaged me today. That kid is so great. His words were so affirming and I'm forwarned, sometime this year I'm going to be invaded...and it will make me very happy. Evan came to visit on Thursday...he walked in dressed in his Reserves uniform, all suited up. I was so proud!! So proud of him! He looked so grown up--a young boy, turned young man. I was so proud!

Reflection: Children make me happy, even big children growing up.

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