Needing Closure

I’m so sad right now. All I want to do is sleep. I wasn’t sad at school but now I’m sad. I love those kids so much. I just have tears streaming down my face. The teacher tunnel was the most amazing experience. I got more hugs today than at any one time in my entire life. The teacher tunnel is at the last day of school for the seniors. The teachers line up from the senior section to the door, making a tunnel for the seniors to walk through across the gym. The teachers just stand there, like a wallflower waiting to be asked to dance, waiting to be recognized. The seniors come through and they have the opportunity to walk up to their teachers and say goobye, many reach out to shake hands, say thank you, and many hug.

Right as the teacher tunnel was forming I heard my name called behind me. I turned around and there were Nick, Jake and Evan. They had a huge box and they got down on one knee and presented the box to me. The front of the box said this:

Inside was this:

The Golden Burd Award

They presented it to me with special speeches that I honestly can’t remember because I was so touched. Nick and Jake gave me hugs and then I was turned over to the onslaught.

Since I’m very emotional this will be a long post. I need to write these things down so I stop replaying them in my head. They are for closure. You don’t need to read them. They are more for me than for anyone else.

Jonathan Adams-Moore was one of the first hugs I got. He was crying when he got to me, cried harder when he saw me. When he hugged me he hugged me so hard and just held on. It was like he was clinging to me. When he let go he held me at shoulder’s length and with tears streaming down his face, choked out, “You’re my favorite teacher” between sobs. Then he just kept crying and stood there and I gave him another hug.

I love that kid so much.

Almost every one of my kids that I saw, gave me a huge hug. When they saw me they made a bee-line towards me with their arms outstretched, to give me a huge hug. So many of them said, “Ms. Burdick, you should know…you’re an amazing teacher.” Or, “You made my year.” When they saw me it was instant hug and crying. I felt so special. Those kids said the most amazing things to me.

Byron came up to me and stuck his hand out. He held my hand in his and he said, “Ms. B., You….are an amazing teacher. Seriously, you have done the most stupendous job. I will not forget you and I will be back next year to visit.” Byron rarely speaks unless it is important, and then, he is an intellectual that rarely gives compliments. He stood there and shook my hand, and as he left he said, “Seriously. You… are… amazing.”

Kalei took my hands in hers and told me that I have been an influential teacher. She squeezed my hands and said, “Ms. Burdick, thank you for all you’ve done for us.”

Bryan ran up to me and gave me a huge hug and lifted me into the air. Then he asked if he could just shake my hand, shake the hand of his favorite teacher, an amazing teacher who made his year the best it could be. He thanked me for the time I took with him after school and the way I made them feel special in my class.

Matt and Ross, two huge football players, just enveloped me in a hug. Matt burst through another teacher and student to get to me and just gave me this huge hug.

Every single hug I got today was genuine. No “just an arm,” no stiffness, just huge, real, genuine hugs…and that is probably why I’m crying. They were some of the best hugs I’ve ever had.

Most of the girls just cried in my hug. Kimmie made me choke up. She has been such a special blessing to me this year. She said, “Ms. Burdick, thank you for listening to me and letting me come in after school. Thank you for taking care of me.” I started crying (only a few actually made me cry) and I said, “Kimmie, thank you.” She said, “For what?” and I said, “Kimmie, you have been the greatest encouragement all year. You helped me survive this year.” She started crying more. So did I (but I recovered as fast as I could).

Dean tapped me on the shoulder. He couldn’t say anything. He just nodded at me and hugged.

Matt Kinney couldn’t say much either, but when he left he cried and he said, “We love you Ms. B.”

Dan just affirmed me over and over and I felt stupid and just said thank you.

Nick, hugging me for the third time, told me I was his hero.

Alexis and Jessica just hugged me and then stood there. I think they wanted to say something.

I knew that this assembly was going to be powerful, but I had no idea. There is absolutely nothing like standing in this massive crowd of people and having your students search you out. When they spot you they come plowing through the crowds calling your name, not pausing to say anything, but with arms-outstretched-as-they-plow, they just run right into your arms with the hugest hugs and tears. There is absolutely nothing else like that feeling.

I was hugged, affirmed and encouraged by 60-70 kids today. Some of them are going to the top schools in the country. Some of them failed my class or barely passed. All of them let me know that I have touched their lives and in the process I am only beginning to understand how much they've touched mine.

Reflection: I am loved…and very blessed.

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