Graduation Hurts

So basically, I'm absolutely exhausted and emotionally run out. Today was A DAY. I ended up having to help with graduation practice, which made me jump around with irritation and impatience and turn into airplane flagger to make sure the kids knew where they were going so we could finish faster. But, it meant that I got to hang out with the kids more, and make something really boring and frustrating much more fun.

I was planning to have a day to grade. Didn't happen.

Went to graduation. It hurt. The noise hurt my head. The stories from the speakers hurt because they dredged up old longings and feelings (it was happy hurt though, and proud hurt). The way I kept beaming as my kids got their diplomas hurt my face (seriously, I'm in pain...try grinning for 347 kids in a row). And then in the end, when I had to go hand out diplomas and as my kids walked away, my heart just broke in two. I couldn't cry because I was in a crowd of people. I am so freaking proud of those kids. It broke my heart to see them go.

Thank goodness for the teacher tunnel or I would have felt quite abandoned and unloved. Since I was handing out diplomas I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. But I think it's ok because I said my goodbyes yesterday and they chatted with me all day today. Some of them I got to congratulate on their way down the aisle because they walked by me. I almost cried when my first two kids got their diplomas--Abel and Adams-Moore.

Anyway, graduation hurts. Why didn't they warn me about this? I feel like a parent only worse. Parents get to see their kids again (usually). Parents usually only have a few kids they have to go through this with. I'm going to have to go through this every year.

The following are 120 of the 347 graduating seniors of Newport High School's Class of 2007, my kids.

3rd Period--A diverse class...Teddy...why did you make icky faces in all the pictures?

4th period--A challenging class...but high achievers.

5th period--I was their hero. They were my encouragement.


7th period--My smallest class...my loudest class...my craziest class...probably my favorite class.

Reflection: I'm going to be an ok teacher. Ever since yesterday talking with the new Gov teacher, I started feeling bad. I could see next year and I could see myself not teaching the kids as much as this other guy and comparing myself to him. But, J-Brown came up to me tonight and encouraged me. He is the much-loved Environmental Science teacher--always a smile on his face (actually, more like a grin/beam), always upbeat, absolutely adores the kids. He was tonight's main speaker. He saw me as I was standing there as all the kids were headed out to the bus for the senior party. I don't know him much, just grin at him in the hallway. He came up to me, took my arm, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Great job this year." I said thanks. And he added, "The kids talked about you all the time and all I ever heard was how much they adore you. Great job." That made me feel good, but the more I feel good, the sadder I get. I'll be ok...but you know...it sucks to think that I will probably never see many of these kids again. I'm sure I'll see some of them...but many of them I will not.

But, I guess...that's part of the job. And that folks, is why graduation hurts.

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