Just so you know

Today went fine. I got up late but still managed to throw together 2 effective 90-minute lessons. They weren't anything incredibly impressive/engaging. They were actually mostly discussion/lecture based. I hate doing that for 90 minutes but today the kids were actually into it. I am still in a rut but at least I can fake it well when the kids come in. Because I was so stressed about getting ready in time, I was much more laid back in class. It was nice. We chatted a bit and class was much more conversational with my freshmen. I also chatted with my seniors about some of the pressure issues with this time of year for both of us, and it was a good discussion. As much as they are a pain (mostly 7th, not the ones I saw today), they do respect me. I'm grateful for that, because I can't imagine what it would be like without that respect. I love that I can have honest conversations with my students. They're still going to be seniors and they're still probably going to do poorly in class, but they still see value in it. I guess that's good.

Anyway, no need to recount the conversations. After classes though, once the kids disappeared, my energy was sapped. I practically collapsed. Then I felt like I was in this daze for the rest of the afternoon. I hate when I get this way because I get nothing done. Luckily I'm set for tomorrow but I still have grading and planning for Friday...blech. I came home and slept. And then I did actually grade a bit. I would have graded more but I think I have the wrong key because the kids are missing a lot and they all seem to have similar answers. I'm hoping I have the wrong key and that I didn't just teach them all wrongly.

I really do love my students. When they come in they make me smile. But, even with them there, there is this ugly side of me that is just lurking in the background. I am just so easily angered. I feel like when they're not around I'm glaring all the time and cringing. It's bad. I really need to get over this grumpy state but I don't know if I can.

Reflection: How did I get that way? I really don't like it. Maybe if I catch up on sleep and eat better then I will be able to stay at school and finish what I need to so that when I come home I can sleep and do fun things. Then maybe when I'm at school I won't be grumpy all the time. I need to pray. G'night.

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