Warning about the next week

Next week is going to be emotional. I didn't think it'd be too bad this year, but I think I might be wrong. I had a pretty good day today. We did story day in my Freshman class, some of which I'm sure I'll share with you later. Then, I went and checked out a place to live next year: www.theoldmansion.com. More on that later.

But, the reason I'm writing is because I need to write this all out because I've been trying to get to bed early so that I can turn in an application for a room early tomorrow morning before church. However....here's the deal. Today my 7th period was pestering me about signing their yearbooks. I have a fear of yearbooks. I want to write something special and meaningful to all my students but when they shove their yearbook under my nose I never really know what to say. Well, today...it was yearbook after yearbook. This class drives me insane but I have a special bond with them, so, naturally, they all want me to sign. I tried really hard to write special notes to them but...they made me emotional! I had forgotten about it until I tried to sleep tonight and I realized how much I care about these kids and how much I'm going to miss them. I don't think they have any idea how much I care about them. All year they are my priority and then, I have to let them go. I talked about this last year too so I won't repeat myself too much.

Today Michael brought me his yearbook. No one else had written in it yet. He asked if I would sign it and then, he of course started joking about how he expected a picture and a poem and lots of good things about him. He proudly informed me that on the list of achievements they were supposed to fill out earlier this week he put, "I'm Ms. Burdick's favorite student." I teased him that he was a little over-confident and he just shrugged it off. The thing is, though he was my worst nightmare last year, I think we both know that he has grown to respect me and I have grown to really appreciate him. So, I wrote Michael an acrostic. I honestly didn't know what to say to him because I didn't want to say, "Michael, I hated you last year but you've really grown on me."

In Jordan's I wrote about her becoming a teacher and gave some advice based on a conversation we'd had a few months ago. In Quincy's I admitted that I was quite fond of her and would miss her a lot.

Bar had a strange request. She is kinda strange. She turns in excellent work. She's incredibly intelligent, but she has quite the attitude. However, early on I learned how to play off her attitude and we've become quite chummy since then. My roommate Jess hates her, probably because Bar doesn't respect her. That's the problem, if she doesn't respect you, she's a *****. But anyway, Bar said, "Ms. Burdick, I don't have a yearbook. And, I'm not going to put together a fake yearbook for people to sign because that's dumb. But, I want you to tell me what you would write in it if I had one." I was a little caught off guard at her demand, especially since she asked in front of her classmates. So, I said I'd get back to her when I finished the one I was writing in. Her classmates joked it was because I didn't have anything to say about Bar and would have to make it up. At the end of class, when she was complaining and her friends were joking with her that she had been really cranky lately, I called out to her. And when she came over I told her what I would have said if she had a yearbook. She turned very quiet and a little pink, and said very simply, "Thank you, Ms. Burdick."

As I was thinking about Michael, Chris, Avi, Quincy, and especially that exchange with Bar, as I was trying to get to sleep, I became so very sad. And it hit me that next week at the Teacher Tunnel, it is going to be very hard. I have come to care very deeply about these students and know them better than they probably realize.

So, this is your warning. Next week there are going to be some very emotional posts. After the teacher tunnel, especially, there are going to be stories about what those kids say. I don't want it to sound like bragging, but I really have to write about these things because otherwise the emotions just roll around in my head and I can't sleep.

But it makes me wonder what in the world I will say to them as they leave my class next week. Perhaps I will say, "You have worked so hard this year. I know it wasn't easy and I know I wasn't easy on you. But, you have fulfilled my expectations and for that you should be very proud, because as you know, my expectations are very high. You have grown a lot in these last 4 years and you will grow a lot more in the next 4 years. Whether you are going off to college or off to some other stage in your life, the most important advice I can give you is to learn from those around you. Your friends and the people you meet make you who you are, so choose those people carefully. You are all talented students with a bright future. I know I will be proud of the adults you become because I'm proud of the people you are now. Thanks for this year."

And then again, maybe I won't. I would probably cry if I said that and I would embarrass them.

Reflection: When they handed me those yearbooks they handed them to me with somewhat anxious faces, as if they wanted so badly for me to approve of them in what I say in their yearbook. And that tells me that I'm doing my job.

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