I was going to write a post about everything that is wonderful about Thanksgiving. I hope I will eventually get to that. Maybe tomorrow while I'm procrastinating...but tonight I can't sleep. I think my mind is restless. I've had a wonderful break. I spent the entire time here in Auburn with my family and it has been full of playing Christmas music with my sister and brother (looking for the perfect Christmas Eve song to start practicing), spending time with loved ones on Thanksgiving Day, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, my first Thanksgiving Dinner contribution, some shopping, coffee with my mom, relaxation...and just, really quality time with my family. Tonight the thought that this was my 'last night' just sortof...I dunno...really just made me restless.

I need to sleep so that I can get up early tomorrow to work. I'm so behind on grading that it's just...bad...but I'm starting a new unit Monday and I have nothing planned and haven't done the background reading yet. Now that I think about it I will probably be ok...if all else fails I can do the same crap I did last year...and then I can spend tomorrow reading up on things to put into the crap. So it will be second generation crap. Actually, I feel better now...I still won't get much grading done...but hey...I can do this. Oh...except Foundations. Shoot...

But more than that...I just hate the thought of having to go back to Bellevue. I think that's why I can't sleep. I've mentioned the roommate thing before and I really don't want to complain about it but maybe if I just talk to myself about it I will be able to sleep. I didn't need to move to Bellevue. My apartment in Renton was in a place I felt more comfortable (even with the vandalism), I was closer to family and friends, and the rent was good. I moved to Bellevue to cut down on the commute...and to split rent. But in reality, I didn't need to split the rent. Instead I really moved so that i would have a roommate. But I don't. Ever since she started dating her boyfriend I have not had a roommate. I literally, hardly ever see her. She gets up and is gone way before me (which is crazy since I get up around 5 AM) and comes in after I'm in bed. So when I get home from work I may have a bigger apartment, but I am still all alone AND this time I'm too far away from home to drive home when I need to not be by myself again. I don't know where she goes...whether she is always with Mike or whether it is that she sometimes goes home and I'm jealous. I'm jealous that she has someone to do things with. I'm jealous that she is closer to home so that she can visit more. And I hate going home because I'm always by myself. So more and more I've been staying with my parents all weekend, even Sunday if I can. Because I'm by myself all week and I just...I just don't want to go home and be by myself more.

So as if to extend my weekend, I've been sitting here trying to find something to do online. But, I've checked all the blogs, I've checked email, looked on facebook...and I just...I don't know. It's like I'm looking for some kind of connection to someone somwhere before I go to bed and wake up to the reality that the work week will return. It's a good thing I like my job.

Reflection: I think everyone has those times where the mind is restless. We all have wonderful things about our lives and, I think, all have those areas that we wish there could be more. I love my job and my students, and wonderful things happen there...but my life is not perfect. I'm still missing a piece. What piece are you missing? I hope that you find it.

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