Joy

So much has happened this weekend. I cam home from Ireland on Thursday and it is now Wednesday and I am just getting a respite from the rush of awesomeness. There are so many things for me to be thankful for right now and I really just want to share with you all. Stories of Ireland will come later but since this is a place for me to reflect, I would like to reflect on the last few days.

Overall, I have loved these last few days because I am once again in the environment that I have craved since I left Newberg. I flew into PDX after 25 hours of traveling, got picked up by a wonderful, beautiful friend Amy, and welcomed immediately into the new home she’s created with her husband, another good friend, Mark. I got to shower (!), use lotion (!!), and wear clothes that are not the 3 pants and 3 shirts I brought traveling! In the afternoon, as I was waiting for all my wonderful friends to return from various locations, I got to go up to the hill behind my friends’ house to just walk (because I felt like after traveling, I need to keep that up…maybe attempt to be in shape for the first time in my life…) and enjoy the sun. I was so happy! Tank top, shorts, journal, jewelry, alone time (!), and the sun on my skin.

The weekend had wonderful friend things. There was some normalization of a friendship that has been tense for years, which made the weekend better and I think healed some part of me that I didn’t realize needed healing. And then, I had good friends just surrounding me. I just felt like there was so much joy around me. Seriously, that seems to be the theme of the weekend for me: joy.

Travis and Eva-Lynn’s wedding was just beautiful. Instead of describing the whole wedding I just want to tell you about select moments. As I was sitting in the chapel, listening to the pastor speak to Eva-Lynn and Travis I was just so happy. I kept telling my friends this at the wedding, but I seriously…as cheesy as it sounds, joy was seriously flooding my heart. I was grinning like a fool, and if I had let myself blink I would have been crying. I was so happy for those two crazy kids. I was happy that they had found each other. I was happy that they were beginning a new life together and I was happy because I was surrounded by a vast host (hehe) of friends and could just feel the love. We were all there for each other and there to support our friends and that is a wonderful feeling. Beka and Steve and Jo on my left; Shafer, Grant and Brittney on my right; Kelsey in front; Edgar, Cassie, Liz, Emily, Kathy and others behind me….I was so happy. I got to talk with everyone and that made me so joyful. Everyone was happy to see everyone else. I got to joke and laugh with Cassie, rave over books with Edgar and Jo, chat with Kathy and Pat about school and marriage, reflect on first year teaching with Emily, have a much coveted heart-to-heart with Dane, and tell stories about Ireland with Beka and Steve. We, as usual, danced to our heart’s content, amusing the other guests and basking in the delight of being together again. They played our favorite songs, songs attached to beautiful memories and I just grinned and laughed in delight to see the boys start dancing together and matrix-fight on the dance floor because even though I’m not one of the boys and will never have the same bond with them that they have with each other, I love them very much and it makes me happy to see them so happy.

The next morning I got to have tea with Dane sitting in the morning sun, and I just sat there forever, enjoying the sun and humming praise songs to myself. There is just so much to be thankful for. Oddly enough, one of my favorite things about the weekend has been having breakfast with my friends. There’s just something about the cozy conversation around a breakfast table or over a cup of coffee/tea.

God has blessed me so much. It’s as simple and as great as that.

The last piece of the weekend I would like to reflect upon was what I’d like to call, “Married Night.” We are growing up. I knew that, but it was very evident to me the other night. It was like I was in the twilight zone and reality was just…off. The day before I had been surrounded by loved ones, dancing, cheering, grinning—I felt like a little girl twirling and spinning happily as the nearest and dearest loved ones danced happily around me, and although I know they’re married, I saw them and spoke to them as individuals who are individually important to me. But in that moment, life flashed forwards and the twinkling twilight zone soundtrack blazed away and *boom!* I looked up out of my reverie and there were the same friends only they walked differently, their body language was different, and I swear I was not overreacting, I was hit with this realization that we are all different people. It was like a new reality. Here I was trying to process what was going on and I was surrounded by my married friends. It was a little overwhelming in that moment—not in a negative way, in a realization way. I haven’t seen them all so married, in one spot. Here were Travis and Eva-Lynn in front of me walking in, reacting to each other’s body language. Travis just looked different—grown up and married (I don’t know how else to describe it. If you were me and you were there, you’d understand). Pat and Kathy were behind them, smiling at each other, him with his hand on her shoulder to get past, her leaning in to him unconsciously and calling after him—him running obediently to her from where he was rooting around in the kitchen with a smirk and guilty look on his face. And then on the other side, Mark and Amy were cleaning up in the kitchen and walking to welcome the others to their home. Chad rolled a toy car across Charissa’s baby belly saying, “Here Buddy.”

All those married forces converged in a moment and I was left contemplating this transformation. I felt a few pangs and twinges. A twinge I don’t even know what—not exactly sadness, not exactly disappointment—just somehow there was this wonderful thing I see that I just don’t understand and am not a part of. But even stronger than that twinge was this pang of joy (see, joy again!)—joy that my friends were happy and that they’ve found their other half, that God has blessed their lives and their growing families and even though we are growing up, there is just so much happiness I saw in that moment. Joy for us. Joy for my friends and an understanding that God takes care of his people. Praise God!

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