S. 5
To Protect the Endangered Dugong

In the Senate of the United States of America
October 20,2009...

Be it enacted by the United States Senate and House of Representatives

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE
This act may be cited as the "Save the Dugong Act of 2009."

SECTION 2. PROTECT THE DUGONG
(a) IN GENERAL. -- The United States will set up a task force led by Captain Paul Watson, in which he will patrol the waters of Northern Australia and Indonesia in search of poachers and prevent them from hunting these defenseless and beautiful sea cows. Since the Dugong is on the endangered species list, it is already illegal to hunt these sea sirens, but the Dugong is still not being protected as well as it should be. Therefore, Paul Watson will go out, search for poachers, and after provocation of obvious attemps of poaching will put these scumbags under arrest and punish them.
(b) In order to affect the forgoing, we will clone Captain Paul Watson, enabling him to have enough free time to lead this task force with his clone army and prosecute the poachers.

SECTION 3. PENALTY CLAUSE
Any persons convicted of this heinous crime will be fined $100,000.

SECTION 4. AUTHORIZATION OF APPROPRIATIONS
To raise the appropriate funds to fuel this agenda, volunteers passionate about the cause will sell cookies in the shape of the graceful dugongs in order to spread the message that the lady of the sea needs our help.

....
The Information to convince the committee included these pictures that make it that much more hilarous.

Mock Congress is over and I'm trying to catch up on all the grading of all the bills I should have graded as they came to me...

as I was grading away I came across this bill that I would like to share with you.

HR. 1
To setup regulations in the event of an extraterrestrial visitation

Be it enacted by the Senate and the House of Representatives of the United STates of America in Congress assembled,

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE
This act may be cited as the "Incongruous and Discordant Act of 2010"

SEC. 2. REGULATIONS REGARDING EXTRATERRESTRIAL VISITATIONS (ASSIMILATION/EXTERMINATION)
(a) IN GENERAL. - The United STates Code lacks the proper procedure and protol to any foreign visitations or encounters by an extraterrestrial population within the entire span of our nation's history and, furthermore, lack an agency of the United States government that may draft plans or redundant solutions.
(b) In order to effect the forgoing, the following language shall be inserted in to the United States code:
- upon passage of this bill (and hopefully before an extraterrestrial encounter) the United States will transmit public service announcements through all media transmissions promoting the construction and/or purchase of emergency supplies and underground bunkers.
- the establishment of a sect to the United States Homeland Security Department which will deal directly with unearthly foreign visitors. This sect will be called Special Tactics and Reconnaissance Squad (S.T.A.R.S).
-In the event of an arrival of an Unidentified Flying Object, the area within a 30 mile radius of the landing site will be evacuated and quarantined as it becomes a temporary property of S.T.A.R.S
-Due to the unprecedented situation of an alien invasion, future drafts of rules and regulations will be proposed and subject only to a 1/3 vote of the Senate and subject to Presidential signature.
(c) In the event in which the United States accepts the existence of an extraterrestrial population insomuch as we attempt to assimilate them into society, the following language will be inserted into the United States Code:
1. An Alien may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. An Alien must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with 1 above.
3. An Alient must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with 1 or 2 above.



His evidence for the committee contains testimony about a spaceship above Johannesburg, South AFrica, information about relocation of the 1.8 million aliens to District 10, and other various pieces of "evidence" demonstrating the need for emergency alien procedures.

Granted, his bill needs some work. But...it gave me quite the chuckle.

Well, I have figured out what to do about the impeachment, have figured out how to make 5th period's food policy bill go into limited effect and thereby save me from 1) the management disaster of having all 4 of my classes able to eat food and 2)having to look like a killjoy. It will also give me a stellar intro into the next unit. I'll post my presidential signing statement if I am forced to use it.

And, the biggest reason I decided to update two days in a row is because today I remembered once again that God's got my back. When I got to school this morning, starting to think about all that I was going to have to deal with...I had an incredibly wonderful email from a student I graduated two years ago. And then, they kept coming! I got another one from another student at lunch and I got a third one just now! As I'm ready to do my devotions and head to bed I am reminded about how well my Father takes care of me. Right when I need encouragement, even over something silly, He sends it. Each of the kids wrote nice long updates about what they're up to, told wonderful stories of how they've used what they learned in the class, and were genuinely interested in things about my life that I had shared with them when they were in my class.

So God, this is my formal thank you, for taking care of me.

Well, I almost got impeached by the House of Representatives this morning. It was a rough day. They read an 8 page bill that included 3 articles for impeachment this morning on the floor. Then Mr. Lang came and gave expert witness that I was a known communist because of my association with the Newport Social Studies Department. The kids presented evidence that they had found a communist flag in my car (which is funny because I do have one in my closet...just not in my car) and that I was a card-carrying communist (photo shop...although I was NOT born in 1976...). It was pretty funny. I laughed a lot at the beginning and I laughed at their evidence, but after hearing 8 ungrateful pages of why I should be impeached I was only intermittently laughing because I was trying to be a good sport. I know they were kidding for some of the things they said, but kids aren't that good at realizing when it might be going too far. They realized it while it was being read out loud on the floor though, because it got pretty tense in the room.

Anyway, i just spent half of my lunch helping 5th period figure out how to get around my veto and agreeing that I would sign their food policy into law only if they made it relevant to their class only (using my presidential signing statement and powers of persuasion)....gee, 3rd period, that sure shows "frustrating the passage of laws and interfering with committees." Anyway, I talked with my colleagues at lunch about what to do about it. I really have no idea what is involved in the process specific to each house and I thought maybe I'd let them carry it out. But, I'm not now because it's too complicated and it will take time away from actual passage of legislation.

In the end...I want to be a sport about it, but honestly, I think my feelings are a little hurt because it embarrassed me. I know, from my colleages, that wasn't what they were intending, but even when you don't intend to hurt people's feelings, it sometimes happens.

ANYWAY, i did think it was funny that I finally had a class get smart enough and realize that if they want to keep me from vetoing legsilation they have to impeach me. And, I'm proud that a House of Representatives finally figured out how to make their simulation intersting (because the Senate is the one with all the fun powers). But, yeah...I guess...I didn't realize until I started sharing it that my feelings are hurt.

Once again, I'm here grading. I'm actually totally behind. School has been great this year because I've been able to find more balance to my life. Between school, buying a house, and finding time for a personal life, I've managed to get away from school more often. Usually this works out well. Right now I'm incredibly overwhelmed with backed up grading and some issues with the house I'm buying. BUT! I'm here grading, I have a day off Friday, and I have a day off and a visitor next week!

And, in the midst of grading I got a big smile.
Rayden calls out "Ms. Burrrrrdiiiiick!" everywhere: every day when he comes into class, in the hallways, and now, apparently, in his homework submissions.

So I'm supposed to be grading. I am...but grading is best done with breaks inbetween. I am online on turnitin.com. Students have to log in with an email address and some of them are just making me smile. When I saw the first funny one I started paying attention. Here are a few I'd like to share with you. How creative we all get with our email addresses!

Reid - youareweird@....
Winston - riceninja@....
Kevin - alloftheabove@...
Anna - ifancyuX3
Youny - loonyuni
Jenny - hyper.howling.wolf (and let me tell you....she is!)
Nicole - foxylemur@....

I just am interested where Winston became the rice ninja and when Nicole decided that lemurs were foxy.

Ok, so my freshmen are taking their final, and I'm trying my darndest to get all this grading done in time. But my eyes are starting to bug out of my head because usually freshmen essays are incredibly formulaic and blech....

so...haha. I present to you an excerpt from Christina's that made me get a huge smile on my face. Her essay was one of the best that I read but there was this excerpt:

"Even though the social class divisions were similar there was one major difference in Hand and Rome. In Han, the pheasants were under the government officials and above merchants. However, in Romee the pheasant farmers were just above the slaves because they were not as wealthy as the Roman merchants. The pheasant farmers in Han were higher up because Han depended on the food they produced to survive."

Ah, those Roman and Han pheasants...